April 29th, 2009 by mmlindsey
Swine Flu in the Desert
How come you’re so afraid of things that don’t make sense to you? Do people pass you up on the street all the time? Do cars pass you up on the highway? How come you’re so afraid of things that don’t make any sense to you? Do you water your raisins daily? Do you have any raisins? Is there anything that does make sense to you? Are you afraid of twelve button suits? How come you’re so afraid to stop talking?
~Bob Dylan
We are taking all of the necessary precautions. We will do all that Fox News and CNN say that we should do. We will believe all that they spew. We will live in fear. So please, worry about us in Mexico… but, do not touch us, just please talk to us from a distance. And maybe you should zip yourselves into your own fear suits… cause you just never know!
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07:31 on April 30th, 2009
Your hair is about to get VERY SICK!!!
18:30 on April 30th, 2009
I love it!!!
I don’t know if we’ve told you this but, we are building a decontamination silo for you two!!!!
Stage one, of course is Orientation. You walk into a small, dark room and we play a video on how the whole thing works.
Stage 2: The doors peel back to the “green room” where you will be coated with an algae-slime pre-decontaminate. This protects your skin from any possible melting or the very rare case of spontaneous combustion (think we have that kink worked out).
Stage 3: You shimmy into the “FluShew” room. Here you are scanned by “the machine” to determine any infectious or non-infectious “hosts” on or in your body. “The Machine” is also configured to remove any precious metals, wallets, and high-end watches that may be on your person. These may or may not be returned after decontamination.
Stage 4: Is “The Vat” – Here you are submerged in a Jello-like substance for 3 hrs. If “the machine” finds an excess of three-hundred dollars US, it may decide to shorten your stay in “the vat.”
Stage 5 – You are released from the vat into 1700 meter slide. A high power wash sprays you from above to complete the “DeSwining” process.
Can’t wait to see you guys!!!
21:47 on April 30th, 2009
Oh, Johnson’s, that is so completely hilarious & RAD!! Where can I put in an order for one of those. We’ve always been concerned about what might be living in Matt’s hair… This should do the trick.
05:28 on May 1st, 2009
Say Aaron,
I don’t think any decontamination unit is complete without one or two of those thingies that suck your shoes to the floor – you know, they make this kinda “ssschlickting” sound? I can probably make one out of my shop vac and a rubber floor mat and some kind of glue to make it sticky…hopefully, it won’t interfere with anything in the green or flu-shew rooms.
11:49 on May 1st, 2009
Mike,
I think that is a great idea! We’ll need a name for it; maybe… “The Stabilizer” or “The Gotchamatic”
11:55 on May 1st, 2009
Lisa,
Johnson Innovations has actually just released (this morning) the “DeTangle – DeBangle – NoMangle Machine”
This, in one fell swoop (and it does swoop), cleanses, and if need be, removes all swine flu infected hair, all bracelets and charms – and all without serious harm to the “participant.”
You are welcome to come by and test it out before Matt and Misty’s arrival.
12:03 on May 1st, 2009
This is Jenah, just putting in my vote for Mike’s additional invention to be named the “Schlickter.”
18:55 on May 1st, 2009
Jamie,
Didn’t think about that! Wow… do they make hazard-hats that will keep us from losing all of our hair?
19:02 on May 1st, 2009
Paco’s dad, Aaron, Lisa, and Jenah,
Enjoying the laughs over here on the “other-side” of the imaginary line. But seriously, it is super nice that you are thinking so much about the process of demexicanating us, but we are cool with a simple hot shower and a cold IPA. Yup, that should do the trick! We appreciate your help and ideas, but I do not think that your services will be necessary.
05:08 on May 3rd, 2009
To all decontaminators:
M & M’s latest post smacks of denial….this is something that will have to be addressed as well – it is a common characteristic of H1N1 infections. I’m thinking that some lengthy exposure to Rush Limbaugh might do the trick, followed by a rack of baby back’s, of course.
08:10 on May 8th, 2009
Ha! I love your photos and glad to hear you are taking precautions. We don’t want for you to go through the decontamination silo. See you tonight!
20:12 on May 13th, 2009
Donovan,
Thanks for the love. We are so psyched that we get to work with you and Sarah. You both greatly inspire us.
11:15 on May 21st, 2009
Seriously … how often do you wear that get-up?